The Pretentious Illiterate

Hello my sweet readers,

Odd day today, really wierd. Don't know quite why I feel so wierded out but I somehow do. I'm in the middle of one of my signature episodes. This one, much like the rest of them, was completely uncalled for. It's not quite a panicattack, but very similar. Only difference is that this time it feels good, sort of like a majorly intense case of butterflies in the stomach. I have the biggest crush I've had in recent years, oh with the exeption of Dennis because he really swept me off my feet. Possibly, or rather probably the one "true" love I've had so far. But that seems to have changed, with me falling for J. He really is something else, the most wonderful guy ever. He won my heart from the start, and it's so corny but when looking in to his eyes I truly see in to his soul. And in it, my, our future.
God, that was cheesy. I'm sorry I should spare you guys this. But this rearly happens so when it does you really want to suck all the juices out of it (no pun intended).
It just feels like yet another one of those amazing crushes that leaves you completely crushed when it passes. Like a hurricane. It amazing and wonderful, a whirlwind of emotions and great happiness and then... nothing. Dennis did that to me, and I was really crushed, like a bug. I didn't stand a chance, man, I loved that guy. For real. I wanted him, and him alone. And in a way I still do. It's wierd, even though all this time has passed, and all these relationships I've been involved in, and he also with all this water that's passed under the bridge I still want him. Maybe it's not as intense as it once was, but it sure is there. And from time to time I find myself lost in a maze of memories. Memories of those wonderful times we had. And yes I do regret that it never really got a chance to develop into something more real and strong but we had good times and I do miss them. But it is, after all water under the bridge.Or at least it should be.
I can't believe myself. Dennis, why did I bring him up? He somehow always finds a way into my thoughts. Especially lately, don't know why. What I had with him really can't stand a chance in a comparison to many of my other "loves". Or maybe that is what differs him from the rest, I really did love him. The rest were just pure amusement. For passing time and for getting over Mr. D.
Oh crap, I shouldn't go down this road again. I'm really happy about my situation today. I shouldn't go off jinxing it like this. Going down memorylane. Down the yellowbrick road =0)
Oh well, I do like J alot. And with time I hope he takes Dennis' place in my heart and mind. Though, maybe he isn't quite as perfect. But I guess you can't have it all, can you? Or can you?
And I really don't know why I think D is perfect, he wasn't half as intelligent as the rest of my boys or well he was smart but not well-read he was so inferior to me. Maybe that's it? Damn the dominant side of me, nah kidding. That's what makes me the one and only ÜBERBITCH.
No more memories for now.

Smell you later,
Bell